102006 Students, beware of `fluffing' applications!

BY PHIL KIFFER

When I decided to begin writing this semi-regular column,1 promised myself 1 would avoid discussing such tired cliches as the college application. However, recently a resume came to my attention that was simply too awesome in its depths of horrendousness to ignore.

Aleksey Vayner, a Yale senior who is not relishing his 15 minutes of fame, has become a household name over the past two weeks after submitting an 11-page (11 pages!) resume complete with a seven-minute-long video supplement. The video alone must have immediately suggested perhaps an overzealous or perhaps, dare I say, pretentious persona behind the outstanding accomplishments that Microsoft Word could not list in three, five, seven, or even 10 pages.

To my peers: Please! Learn from the mistakes of Mr. Vayner, which are about to unfold over the expanse of this column. Attempt to appear modest in your application even if you know for a fact that you are an example of human perfection unparalleled. The common application provides six spaces for extracurricular because colleges only want to see six. If they wanted to see 10, there would be space for 10. In the essay, if you must cite a literary source, try something contemporary instead of, say, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, or Faulkner. Or better yet cite several contemporary sources and then Tolstoy. That way you seem learned but modest. There is a fine line between an accomplished and learned person who can take success in stride and an egomaniac. Aleksey Vayner is an egomaniac.

Fluffing, the practice of garnishing an application with numerous activities and accomplishments that may or may not be legitimate has become common-place in most applications and resumes as the selection process continues to dissolve into a crapshoot. While fluffing most of the time flies under the radar and has no real significant effect on a student's chances of admission, in recent years college admission officers, as well as employment personnel in the business world, have begun to collect some of the most exaggerated examples of "fluffing" they encounter. Vayner's video (the video can be seen at www.ivygateblog.com/), which detailed his perspective on success, and featured the Uzbek immigrant serving a tennis ball at 140 mph, bench-pressing 495 pounds, smashing a half-dozen bricks with one hand, expertly ballroom dancing, and other accomplishments, rocketed to the top of many collections.

Just hours after Vayner sent his 11-page transcript and video to numerous Wall Street firms, it was forwarded all over the Internet with sarcastic enthusiasm. The blogosphere ran with the story smashing Vayner as an "arrogant pre-Madonna."

Bad turned to worse for Aleksey. Various blogs and other Internet personas, notably www.ivygateblog.com, tore his resume to shreds. Vayner's application claimed he authored a book titled "Women Silent Tears: A Unique Gender Perspective on the Holocaust." Turns out the first 11 pages of the book were lifted from the online Holocaust encyclopedia. Additionally, his children's charity, "Youth Empowerment Strategies" (YES), is nonexistent; the address given is false. Not to mention the mission statement of his investment firm was plagiarized from a company in Denver.

Vayner sent a cease and desist to wwwivgateblog.com, but other publications, such as The New Yorker, picked up the story. However, they had all been beaten to it four years ago by Rumpus, a Yale tabloid. Turns, out Aleksey (Garber then, not Vayner) had achieved a cult of personality akin to that of Chuck Norris through fantastic James Bond-like stories when on a weekend visit to Yale after being accepted.

It turns out Mr. Vayner, in addition to being, in his own words, "a world level athlete," is a top-notch expert in other professional fields as well. Aleksey apparently told his peers that he was "one of four people in the state of Connecticut certified to handle nuclear waste," "employed by the German mafia and the CIA," and "runner-up in a confidential martial arts tournament which took place in a secret series of tunnels under Woodstock, NY."

Ultimately, one Yale alumni may have described Vayner aptly, comparing him to "a fake Armani suit." Sounds nice, looks nice, far from the real product. Vayner's one of the few people in con-temporary times to have received a just punishment. He wanted employers to see him, and appreciate the length he would go to achieve success. Ironically, they have.

Once again, to my peers: Keep it concise, keep it humble, and keep the fluff believable. Ask yourself, what would Aleksey do? Then consider what the world thinks of Aleksey.